To me, the words corporate, neurodiverse, female and black weren’t words that could ever go together. I dreamed of being in a space where I would be challenged but knew corporate life would be uncomfortable. When I first began my job I was experiencing the hardest few months of my life whilst being on titration but outside of my family and friends, no one would have believed differently. Being a black woman in an industry where I am the minority no longer the majority in comparison to the NHS. But to also be newly diagnosed and therefore newly being at a disadvantage in comparison to my counterparts. Was immensely scary. I tapped into the version of myself who knew no ADHD, who knew no boundaries or worry. I remember when I first began my job and after lunch, I would find myself so low on energy wrestling with my hands at my desk and unable to concentrate on any voice I heard around me. I began to take medication a month after this and my life completely changed. I believed it was my saving grace that I needed to survive. I never actually thought to myself that I could already be enough. So as you read this blog post, this will be my first time writing in a year without medication, my first week experiencing corporate life again as a black woman with the full extent of my disability. But also the rawest version of me.
As black history month has just passed us by, it raises so many things, how truly astonishing black women are but the burden that we often put upon ourselves to be the absolute best and prove to everyone we are worth the risk or worth being the imposter, is kind of heartbreaking. It also reminded me to be truly confident in who I am, where I am and the opportunities I have access to. This black history month I truly understood its purpose in our society. I have been forgetting words in my sentences, making small mistakes, trying not to sleep on my break when working from home, and working out every chance I get in the day. That is the extent ADHD can have on the body and mind and I have been reminded of that this week when there would be days on my medication where my eyes felt like I hadn’t rested, my body has now said “We shall rest” at war with even my mind. So remember to remind those in your life, possibly also struggling without their medication, that it's okay to slow down. To be black and corporate and also to be young has also allowed me to gain such a vast amount of knowledge from both my role as a junior software engineer and also as a person. It brings together so many unlikely pairs in our society, the ultimate exploration of breaking barriers and changing the way people see each other. Diversity is truly what brings us together as a society and propels us, difference is what drives innovation so remember wherever you are in your career know that your position is possible because it’s required.
I am disordered, scattered and have a vast amount of energy and thoughts. Corporate is a box with straight lines and sharp corners and I hope that sooner rather than later people with disabilities will find themselves not moulding to that box but that box moulding to them.
I end this blog post with a classic and a reminder to think bigger.
‘Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid’ Albert Einstein
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