Imposter Syndrome in ethnic minorities
As a black woman and the oldest child in my family, I always felt this massive pressure to be the one to save them. This is something so many can relate to, fueled in our careers by the need to both be successful and meet the expectations that follow the sacrifices our parents have made but also fund a family and generations before, it consumes us. We are no longer working just for us, but we're also carrying the immense imposter syndrome of not seeing anyone who likes us where we are. So here comes the story the forever told story of the eldest, the second mum, the one who works to save her family whilst no longer pouring into herself. What really hurts me about this story is that no one ever wins when it goes unrecognized and addressed in families. This is where we see the strongest people in our lives, the ones who are held together fall apart due to their mental health. Because before that the build-up is soo immense, especially as ethnic minorities in a working world where we don't even make up half. So I want to ask you if your journey in a corporate, or highly sort career is for you. Is it for someone else, what's driving and holding you here?
As a neurotypical in the working world, I had this immense pressure from myself to save my family, the issue is when you hold your self-worth in its entirety into education/ work and success you bound your self-esteem in never-ending lows and highs. How do we typically as young people break this cycle of parents passing their expectations of lives they've built for us and wanting us to have what they didn't? We don't. We live through our experiences, hit these hard lows and crumble, hoping they are easy on us, hoping they've seen our efforts, hoping now we can live for us. So I look at myself sometimes, my overwhelming need to prove myself, to do more because I know I don't belong and see my counterpart feel confident and ask why.
It's because imposter syndrome lives so wholeheartedly in ethnic minorities especially women, in a man's playground. Being strong and confident is the way I've often been told to carry myself but isn't that the essence of being the imposter, imposters become like everyone else and the cycle just goes on. That's what ties it all together, it's the idea that it's not just you at stake so you become a carbon copy of what your mum wanted you to be. Because your mum worked 3 jobs to feed you, your father faced racism bringing you here, your grandma was told she couldn't go to university. It leaves me asking if the purpose of life for many is to give significance to others' lives. That sounds harsh but it is, though for some it isn't a feeling put onto them but something they put onto themselves. It's the heartbreaking idea of disappointment that lurks so heavily in all families, the need to make others proud of your actions without taking into account the hardness of life. Living a good life when we look at others isn't just measured in their wealth but their genuine happiness so why can't we look at ourselves like that? We as people, can't see our own smiles and how beautiful they look on us and how someone else could only dream to feel the same.
No matter your age or background, love those who love you with your entirety but for your mental health sake live for you. Live in your truth because the truth will always find you, some people have to lose it all to find their way but you don't. I hope that your loved ones can see that the true gift they have given you is your ability to live for you. In this life, we are all frauds till we aren't, because when we believe we become.
“If a person — any human being — is told often enough, “You are nothing. You are nothing. You account for nothing. You count for nothing. You are less than a human being. I have no visibility of you”, the person finally begins to believe it.” - Maya Angelou
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