An adults journey to being diagnosed

As adults, the journey to being diagnosed with any neurodevelopmental, mental disorder or condition is often a sad one, with years of uncertainty and questioning. The reality is that it usually takes us completely falling apart to truly fathom that we are different and that maybe being undiagnosed not only defines us but leaves us forever in limbo. For me, I got caught in the loop of trying to explain myself and validate my actions with something I wasn’t sure about. I found myself echoing the response ‘I think it’s because of my ADHD’ whenever my partner would question the poorness of my recollection. In my heart, I knew that every post I’d seen and every study I’d read related to me so heavily. Yet I despised my awareness of the fact and questioned whether accepting a diagnosis was my way of simply absolving myself and giving myself an excuse.
Society perpetuates conditions like autism so exceptionally with references to characters like Sheldon cooper from ‘The Big Bang Theory’, and Dr Shaun Murphy from ‘The Good Doctor’. One of my favourite depictions is Sam from Atypical because it so amazingly demonstrates the impact that one person’s diagnosis can have on the people around them. The media depicts autism as fascinating and quite frankly amusing to see someone be so bluntly honest and exceptional. For ADHD however, it’s not as adorned or relatable. Truth be told, I don’t believe that society truly understands the reality of the condition. The fact that historically it was more narrowly represented, as well as only being recognised as a condition in the UK just over 20 years ago, explains why so many people remained undiagnosed for so long. As a society we have supported each other allowing us to break the gender stereotypes surrounding ADHD and autism, we can say that according to data from 2014, 19.3% of Black British women had been recently diagnosed with ADHD, more than any other race or gender. The prominence of social media has become a voice for explaining, understanding, relating and allowing women like me to think - ‘maybe this is why?’.
My experience was an exhaustive feeling of never being able to relax, and always feeling like I needed to be doing something or I would be failing everyone around me. It was constant and never-ending no matter what I did, even though the pressure I felt was purely self-inflicted. Because of this feeling, I’ve heard countless stories of women specifically being misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression and even bipolar, only to later find out that it was ADHD. Why? Because society fails to highlight one of the most harmful symptoms of ADHD - Emotional dysregulation.
I spent years being labelled as dramatic and depicted through the male gaze as another woman being a ‘drama queen’, when in reality - and at the time unbeknownst to me - I was just experiencing emotions more intensely than others. During my degree I became so fascinated with the stigma surrounding many different mental conditions, having heard many ignorant people say things like “Children with autism lack mental awareness”, “People with ADHD are loud and constantly talking", or “If you see things that aren’t there then you are crazy”. But the mind is not so black and white. Why is being different so frowned upon and chastised? and why are we constantly boxing people to what we think they are or should be? Hypocritically, being diagnosed is exactly that.
So I’d like to ask you if you think the idea of being diagnosed with a condition like autism limits you mentally to the constraints of having a diagnosis. I would like to say it doesn’t, but honestly? I know that if I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child I wouldn’t have been that girl who so heavily believed that nothing could stop her.
So let me say it here if you haven’t heard it already,
‘You are not your diagnosis’.
Comentários