Why your self-esteem needs to be your priority
As a dark-skinned woman, I grew up for a long time believing lighter was more beautiful, that I wasn’t desired and that to mask this, I needed to be extremely nice. However, I have learnt that having low self-esteem allowed me to show more patience and kindness to everyone, especially those others wouldn’t. In school, we often see the true reality of what is known as the halo effect, the idea that those who are considered to be most like the beauty standard are nicer and better people. I have learnt that what is on the inside doesn’t always reflect the outside, as I have grown and become more confident but also somewhat closer to the standard. I hate the idea that looks determine how we treat people, and I, like a lot of us, have had first-hand experience with this. So I’m here to remind you why inward beauty and teaching the next generation the importance of being honest and kind outside of the way they look is so important. As overtime inward begins to reflect outward, and the outward fades away.
There is a popular video online about a woman who physically glows up, but mentally, she still experiences the same feelings of unworthiness, doubt and sadness. As she is constantly being reminded that she is beautiful, she is so separated from her outer self it feels as though all she has done to appear more attractive has done nothing. It is a reminder that validation from others often leads us in a spiral, constantly seeking approval based on the version someone else likes, not necessarily what we like about ourselves.
If you are a spiritual person, you will understand how much our mental health plays in the way in which we experience life. I spent the last six months not doing my hair or any other beauty treatment to draw back to what actually made me feel good. It made me realise that beauty changes nothing internally, and as I poured into my mental health, it began to change me physically. I was less stressed therefore, my skin was better, and I ate better therefore, I felt and looked healthier. Knowing that you are beautiful outside of anyone’s opinion, is the fundamental to living a peaceful life and something I wish, especially as a woman that I truly grasped sooner. As Christians, we are reminded in our faith to be the light in a room not because of how we look but because of how we carry ourselves, pouring into others, showing gratitude and kindness, and not thinking of ourselves. I can see how these qualities about others stay with me.
Leading from the conversations of trends, skinny becomes the new dream when it once was to be curvy. As a society, we fluctuate, we change, and we want this, and then that. With these changes, you don’t need to. What is your baseline for it all? Looking good is important, and beauty, fashion and style are things to be enjoyed. But remember who you are beneath it all because what is underneath will seep through. We often end up in relationships due to looks, ratting with the true realities of this person who visually attracts us but may not mentally, excusing who they are because outward beauty must go deep, right? It’s easy to be angry at ugly but not at beautiful. I end this blog post hoping you will join me in the effort to see past outward beauty and look deeper.
"There is nothing that makes its way more directly to the soul than beauty." Joseph Addison
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