The idea that change is inevitable
I spoke to one of my close friends about the idea that once we leave education we are forced as young adults to deal with the realities of mental health. What we thought was exam stress, financial worry and struggling mentally is a universal feeling that many in university experience. Once we leave and are thrown into the realities of real life we are forced to ask ourselves ‘Why is this feeling still here ?’. It’s here because education is hard and the reality of being a young adult is the awareness that we are still young and perhaps not in our careers yet and it’s okay to struggle now. But the reality is that struggle, specifically regarding mental health is an ongoing battle not defined by any situation good or bad. So here I am 22, looking at the people I once spent every day with and I once thought I knew and saying to myself ‘ I don’t recognise this person anymore’, and not in a sad way I’m sure they don’t recognise me, I’m just in utter amazement at how vastly people change especially at my age. How through ages 18 to 30 people often become unrecognisable from their past selves and we put it down to people finding themselves. But I feel as though that unshackled plunge into reality, the real world and its complex issues force us to stop acting, and slow down living life for ourselves. It’s why today I want to speak about how the structure of life impacts our mental health and how it so heavily impacts those with trauma and struggling with their mental health. Because everyone changes
The functionality of life is that it’s full of highs and lows and happiness specifically is fleeting, it’s tedious so I don’t want to just limit this to those with depression, anxiety or any other mental health or developmental condition. The reality is that change can be hard for many, for me watching people change is extremely difficult it can either force me to want to understand why they have changed to the fullest extent, question what I did to make them change or struggle to let go with who they once were. Mourning the loss of what someone once was is a pain not spoken about enough and it’s not just about who they are to you, but the idea that you no longer know them. Like how can it feel so close to losing someone? I spoke to my mum about the idea that people with ADHD and Autism struggle to let things go and stumbled across an idea so interesting. People specifically with ADHD are referred to as being forgetful. I was constantly told as a child ‘You have selective memory’ but I believe this stems from the idea that people with ADHD sometimes remember feelings rather than details of specific events. So upon reflecting on how someone has changed in my life, even the hardship that they’ve had to go through to change, the pain surrounding people’s change and me witnessing it is hard as though I went through it myself. It's something so many people deal with, but there is an irony in being aware that your actions may have forced someone to change so drastically because it does the same to you.
I want you to know that change is normal, but most importantly you don’t have to fit in the mould of what people think you should change into or stay the way you are. This is often a prominent issue in relationships and why I believe that some people find themselves growing like and with someone and distancing from others over time. We forget that
growth is not just physical but mental and constant. I believe what truly sets humans apart from animals is the ability to change at our own will. There’s the fake change we appoint to ourselves for quick fixes, guilt and want, but the kind of change where you look back on how something so heavily impacted you almost against your will are the ones people read when they look at you. How losing it all made you more humble and plain, how going through heartbreak made you take a stay back from people in your life you love. How getting diagnosed with ADHD forced those around me to change.
But also myself, so I end this blog post with a classic
“There is nothing permanent except change.” -Heraclitus
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